past two nights, ntm3 has fallen asleep.  in her room.  alone.  with the door shut.

my chair has been moved out of her room permanently (i hope).  last night i had her help me put the chair next to her door.  we went in, rocked & said prayers.  i told her what was going to happen & she didn't like it.  but i stuck to my guns & went out & shut the door.  the tears started almost immediately.  she cracked the door open to check if i was in my assigned seat and seemed happy to see me there.  i carried her back to bed & kissed her & hugged her & assured her that i wasn't going anywhere.  and went back out.  she cried for about 10 minutes & then all was quiet.

tonight we did the same routine.  after a few minutes, the door opened & a teary eyed baby said "potty".  so we went potty (false alarm) & she was tucked back into bed.  she worked hard to squeeze out some more tears.  but after about 5 minutes, that was that.

i can only foresee it getting better from here on out.  just in time for everything to be wrecked.  if it ain't one thing, it's another.

after several weeks of moving that uncomfortable chair further & further from the bed & closer to the door (and let's be honest here...her room isn't all that big & now has a huge playhouse in it...oh?  i forgot to mention that?  well, we won it.  a $300 playhouse.  awesome...anyway...the chair has been moved in increments of inches so as to not cause too large of a trauma...it took awhile), i am happy to report that the chair is out of the room! 

last night it was in the doorway & she asked a few times what i thought i was doing.  but it was only a few times & then she was out like a little light. 

tonight i told her i would be outside of her room but still in my chair & still with the door open.  and she was ok.  and didn't make another peep.  and then she was asleep.

tomorrow night is the real test.  outside of the room & door shut.  this may be the hardest one yet.  we're so close to freedom, i can taste it!  or something.


**i hope that the fact that she is feeling crummy + only a 1 hour nap today wasn't the whole reason for the ease of this evening.  however, she weaned because she was sick.  could we be so lucky twice?

that baby has been feeling under the weather for the past couple days.  mostly just running a fever but still acting normal.  aaaaannnnd then this morning.  woke me up for cocoa.  had cocoa & cold medicine as she was still feverish & seemed a little snot nosed.  went back to lay down in the bed.  should have KNOWN something was up when she only drank about half her cocoa.  that child can suck down cocoa faster than a 19-year-old frat boy can suck down a beer.  lay in the bed for a few more minutes.  and then WHOOPIE!  cocoa & cold meds came back up.  good morning to me.  and then again.  and SOMEONE acted all put out that they had to get awakened by a plea for help from someone who had 1-a pukey baby on their chest, 2-bodily fluids from the aforementioned pukey baby running down their arm, & 3-a small pond-sized puddle of more bodily fluids seeping into the library books piled on the floor beside the bed.  hmph.  some people.

anyway.  i figured it would be a rough day due to little miss knows-her-own-mind-but-doesn't-quite-have-the-ability-to-use-it-properly-at-this-young-age not feeling real hot.  although once we made it out of bed & into clean pajamas (for everyone!  yay!), she demonstrated the desire to eat us out of house & home.  weird.  it was still very evident that she wasn't feeling herself, though.  and it all came to a head when i was trying to do the dishes that, once again, the monsters skated out of.  ntm3 was having some sort of fit on the floor which culminated in her throwing a cup.  we have a real problem with throwing things in the house-exacerbated by a 13 year old who feels that throwing things is the easiest way to transport things across our shoebox sized living room.  to date, ntm3 has thrown several cellphones, books, a baseball & sundry other things.  this habit needs to be broken.  so she was commanded to pick up the cup.  and i'll be honest here, i didn't say it in my inside voice.  but all that blessed whining that morphed into screaming & cup throwing had tested the last little nerve i had left.  she refused to pick up the damn cup.  so i helped her pick it up & then took her into her room & put her on the bed with a strict admonition to "don't come out until you are done crying!" and went out & shut the door & sat on my bedtime chair (more on that next post) & held the door handle.  because someone is strong willed & i fully expected her to come barreling out of her door at full volume and even more pissed off that i shut her in there in the first place.  and i was wrong?  hmm.  she stayed in there until she had calmed down some & came out.

"are you done crying?"
"sniffle, sniffle, snort, sniffle...yes."
"well, then let's go finish the dishes & start some laundry."  and with that i headed into our bedroom for the laundry.

apparently our bedroom is THE. ROOT. OF. ALL. EVIL. or something.  because that innocent move set off the wailing again.  i turned around to remind her of the deal-no more crying outside of your room!  but, before i could say a word, she turned her little self around, bee-lined it to her room & shut the door.  and didn't come out until she was well & truly finished.  and then the dishes got done & there was no more screaming.

huh.  weird.  i wouldn't have expected that in a million years.

ntm3 ate an ice cream sundae today.
by herself.
left handed.
i am amazed at the wonder of this one.
thank God-although he created her differently, he gave her the ability to do so much despite it.

"hmph", i said as A passed me in the living room, where i was packing boxes for our 3rd move in 3 years.  (wtf?  did i sign up to be a military wife & not realize it?  at least last one & this one are within the same country.)

"what?", he said as he meandered by.

"we have too much crap!  i thought we got rid of this 2 years ago when we left the states.  no more crap!  we're going to put all our money in the bank & leave it there & not buy any more crap ever again."

"it's like communism, mom.  it grows & grows."

seems like perhaps 7th grade made an impression after all.  today is a good day to be a mama!

seems for the 1st time in my life, a wish got granted.  make that 2 wishes!  ntm3 slept til 8:30 this morning!  that was awesome!  however, since she had trained me to get up at 6, up i was.  better luck on that tomorrow.

2nd wish-about it being easy again tonight?  yup!  teeth brushing & prayers.  she didn't join me in my chair tonight.  she did talk to me a few times.  "raining?  check it out!" & "cars?" in response to a horn in the street.  i didn't answer and now, less than 15 minutes later, i'm blogging about her being in bed.  and yes, i know it's extremely late for a 2 year old to be up.  summer has played havoc on our schedules.  but weeknight classes are over as of today.  once nallie goes home, i'm sure things will be back to 9 o'clock bedtime.  which i know can still be considered late.  but if it lets her sleep until 8:30, i'm not going to change it!

for the record, we took a nap together today.  i was worried that it would screw with bedtime but it doesn't seem like it!

perhaps this won't be so bad, after all.  course, now that i've said that, tomorrow will be the worst day yet.  read some books, brushed her teeth, into her room.  she started off in her bed to say prayers while i sat at the foot.  but when i got up to get into my (still uncomfortable) chair, she fussed some & got out of bed.  she sat on my lap for a minute (i counted) as requested & granted & we rocked.  and she was placed back in her bed.  and 10 minutes later (i didn't count), she was asleep.  we'll see how long this lasts. 

the chair was about 2 feet from the bed today.  there were about 70% fewer tears.  i'd be really impressed if this keeps up.  i'd also be really impressed if she slept later than 6 tomorrow.  hopefully i'll get one of those wishes.

on this poor, sadly neglected blog.

today i have decided that i'm going to conquer the sleep monster once and for all.  if i don't lose my mind first.  this summer was supposed to be it!  fix the sleep problem!  but.  summer just started yesterday.  and nallie comes on saturday.  and then leaves next saturday.  and may be bunking in ntm3's room.  which means she'll (ntm3, not nallie) be sleeping with us.  which means any sleep training i tried to institute before then would all go out the window.  and then there are other BIG plans this summer...which shall remain secret for now...that probably aren't going to help the sleep issues either.  but i tried to lay down with her today.  and got kicked & prodded & laid on & fussed at & talked to & damn i'm really just tired of this so how's about i train you how to do this on your own so i'm not losing an hour every day trying to get your little butt to sleep?

and so i said good night & i love you & kiss hug & then i went out & closed the door.  and then you would have thought that i closed the door on her toes.  either that or WW3 just broke out in her bedroom.  the original plan was to do what i've heard the Super Nanny does...put the child down, go out, close the door.  lather, rinse, repeat.  and for each successive time that the child gets placed back in the bed, no words are spoken.  and i've heard that this could take up to 150 times and knowing my ntm3, it might take 600...tad bit strong willed, that one.  but i was prepared.  except for the banshee type screaming that accompanied the exercise.  and the trying to get into the (locked after the first 3 attempts) bedroom where her daddy was, since he's been known to save her from the evil ogre called mommy.  and the begging to "please, mommy, please lay down pullow".  and finally the lightning speed of the child who would be placed in her bed and would pop out similar to a jack in the box & beeline it to the door & be waiting on me when i went to close it.  dear God, this is not going to work.

so now we're on the chair by the bed plan.  and i put the poor sodden, snotty nosed, angel cakes down again & sat in the chair.  and the poor little thing scooted her pillow as close to the side of the bed as possible & sniffly snorted her way to sleep.  and then i left.  and she woke up & we repeated the process, not without more entreaties for mommy to "lay down pullow" again.  and repeated the process a 3rd time.  and she cried again but didn't come out.

tomorrow we'll move the chair.  further from the bed.  and eventually it will be in the living room & the baby will be in the bedroom.  and maybe there won't be quite so many tears. and maybe my nights will be mine again.

and this means several things.  1-A might have to sleep on the couch while nallie is here so that ntm3 can stay in her bed.  or he could sleep on the floor in T's room..  i don't know.  he'll sleep somewhere.  2-things are going to be kind of rocky at bedtime for the next little while until we conquer this beast...also, i need a more comfortable chair.  and 3-my heart is just broken.  "please, mommy, please lay down pullow." 

all those tears in her bedroom?  they weren't all hers.

so ntm3 STILL won't sleep through the night.  it drives me nuts.  most times she'll wake up 2-3 hours past bedtime & if i can catch her before she gets out of bed, she'll be back to sleep within a few minutes.  last night, we did that.  and not long after that she was up again.  and since i still had work ahead of me, i allowed her to come out & watch a little tv (omg, i know) with me until i could finish.  and then we went back to bed (again).  i had my little book light.  it cast a shadow on the wall.  ntm3 pointed at it & said me?  um, really?  how do you know that?  sometimes she scares me.  but a good scared.

and in other news - preteen = still surly.  teenager = allergic.  yellow dust season really stinks.  so, apparently, does adolescence.

T is teaching ntm3 slang...ugh.  it makes me cringe.  things like "sup homie", "peace out", "yo dog".  L hates it.  i can't help but laugh.  tonight at dinner, T told ntm3 to say "peace out homie!" to her dad.  just to aggravate him.  ntm3 got a little confused apparently & out popped "peace out weiner!"  i dissolved in laughter.  L just rolled his eyes.

probably shouldn't laugh everytime ntm says "butt hanging out" when referring to a wardrobe malfunction with her little-bit-too-big panties.  next she'll be hollering it in the px.

**this post has been sitting here unpublished for 2 days (why?  i mean, what more can you say?) and i am just now getting back around to it.  sad, i think.  since i started, ntm3 has actually managed to use a public toilet.  and has also had an accident at homeschool game day.  probably because another mama asked how potty training was going & i oh-so-naively answered "very well, thanks!  she has on big girl panties right now!"  panties that not 5 minutes later were soaked in pee-pee since the wearer waited until the extreme last moment to shout "potty!"  good thing i'm still a slave to the diaper bag.  or that could have been bad.**

ntm3 seems to have caught on to potty training!  she's been on more walks and several car rides, commissary & px trips & i just don't remember where else - all in big girl panties.  most trips do not result in a puddle.  she isn't fond of other potties than her own so won't use one out in public but it appears that she has sufficient control to wait until we get home.  

i still diaper her for naps & unfamiliar or long trips.  when we went to get her haircut (i'll come back to that) today, i diapered her even though i didn't expect it to take that long.  it was at someone's home & i didn't feel like our first impression should include a puddle on the floor.  and when we went to seoul last weekend for t's softball game, she was diapered as well.  and for the field trip on sunday.  i think once she's more confident in using other potties, we'll ditch the trip diapers.  i'm content with this until then, though.

i took her potty seat apart today & put the seat on the toilet.  she was a little spazzed at first as our toilet is high & this was unfamiliar territory.  she's got it figured out, now, though.  although i had my first really horrible mess when i called to her for something - not realizing she was on the potty.  and like a good little baby, she was getting down to see what i needed.  and then there was a mess on the potty seat, on the toilet itself, on her legs, on her babylegs & on her panties.  eww.  that was horrible.  i was definitely not impressed with that one.  but i was impressed with her obedience...something i wish she would pass on to her bubba & sis.

we've been playing around with the idea of potty training but hadn't actually acted on it.  several times, ntm3 has asked to go potty but by the time we get there, the diaper is already wet.  but at least she's asking.

today i decided to try some big girl panties & see what happened.  we went for a walk after naptime & she wore her big girls under her pants.  made it through the walk & home again before a puddle appeared.  and then another puddle appeared later but was accompanied by a trip to the potty with acceptable results.  and then, surprise, surprise!  while snacking on the last of her ice cream bar, she put it back in the wrapper, climbed down out of her chair, stepped out of the 3rd pair of big girl panties and sat down on the potty in time to not leave a puddle.  how awesome is that?

i'm not really doing it in earnest yet-we're taking a trip to seoul this week in honor of spring break which would certainly put a damper on potty training.  and i may wait til summer time before actually bearing down on it.  but things are looking favorable in the potty arena.  i can't decide if i like that or not.

the whole sleeping through the night thing?  yeah, not so much. 

i'm gonna quit commenting when things are going right.  it always seems to bite me in the ass.

and, on a side note, if someone can figure out how to Ctrl-Z the day i just had, how about let me know?  not to put too fine a point on it but it effing sucked.

tonight i just got up from putting my 2-year-old to bed.  my two-year-old.  who, in one minute from the time i'm typing it, will be exactly two years old.  unless you want to get picky about the moving and the date line & all that yadda, yadda.  in which case, she will be 2 in 13 hours exactly.  and i'd like to know where that time went?

two years ago, she arrived,



kicking and screaming.  and beautiful.  and while i crashed out in the labor & delivery room while awaiting a regular room, she and L journeyed off to the nursery to do all the newborn things.  and she screamed the while.  and finally returned to my arms, clean and sweet smelling, a little bitty bundle madder than hell that she had been forced from her sanctuary into that wide open, bright, cold place.  for the day and night after her birth, i didn't want to sleep.  i was captivated by the beauty of this wonderous being that i had waited 9 months to meet.  she charmed everyone who laid eyes on her.  and has been doing it ever since.

i've earned a permanent bend in my neck from the naptimes & bedtimes spent curled around her while awaiting sleep.  our house is covered with little toys and dresses and puzzles and baby dolls-things we said goodbye to years ago and it's as if we suddenly awoke to find they had crawled out of dusty corners to repopulate every inconvenient area where we may step in the darkness of the middle of the night.  the tub has been taken over with turtles and ducks and kitchen miscellany and the occasional stray bottle of bubbles.  she has her own cabinet with miniature dishes and silverware.  sippy cups have given way to straw cups by this point but if you dig far enough back in the cabinet, there will be a sippy lid amongst the scatter.

she grows and blossoms every day, egged on by her sissy & bubba & their antics.  spoiled rotten by her daddy who will give in to her heart's desire the moment she asks-even though most times it leaves me holding the bag when i have to tell her "no" the next time she wheedles.  she can talk your ear off and you'll understand most of it.  she refuses to try on clothes for the sake of trying them on.  she's fine in what she is wearing, thank you very much.  pimento cheese and crackers, hot gogs and pies, sunbutter on a rice cake-these are the things she would eat every day if we would allow it.  she'll acquiesce to a bath-but only if her daddy gives it to her.  and big girl panties aren't on the desired list at the moment.  we're hoping they will be soon.

she opens the refrigerator at will, no doors are safe in this house at this point.  we may have hit the magical age where she has discovered the joy of sleeping through the night-better late than never is how i figure.  she's a climber and a dancer and a comedian.  a singer and a reader and a mama to her babies.  she is amazing and i don't know why we didn't know that we weren't complete without her. 

today she has opened presents, and shared cookies with homeschool group, and colored herself with a flourescent pink marker, and watched the flintstone movie and marveled at the dinosaurs.  and added to the curve in my neck.  and 152000 other things that did and didn't drive us all mad.











and she blew out the candles on her birthday cake.  time moves too swiftly sometimes.  this is one of them.

two years ago tonight, i was about done with being pregnant.  tired of not sleeping, tired of living in the bathroom all for naught since ntm3 was sitting (or laying at that point, since "it" was head-down) on my bladder in such a way as to cut off any stream before it started.  tired of contractions that got started & led to nowhere.  tired of the same results at the doctor's office 3 weeks in a row - 3-4 cm, 50-70% effaced.  tired of cankles & water induced heart burn.  tired of the phone calls.  tired of waiting to find out who i had been carrying around for 9 months.

two years ago tonight, i was done with being pregnant.  i'm just sayin'.

ntm3 was in her room.  with the door shut.  and it was quiet.  and when i opened the door, i was just in time to see her take a "shot" of sprinkles.  you know, the little round multicolored sprinkles for baking or ice cream or whatever (we use them on rice krispie treats around here...or did, until ntm3 sucked them all down).  the few remaining (17ish) sprinkles in their bottle have found their way to the trash.  and, after all that unadulterated sugar, i bet naptime is a long way off.

or at least half a one.  yeah, yeah, not as exciting as when that first tooth pops through the gums to make its presence known but judging by all the snotty nose fever issues we've had lately, this really is exciting around here.   lower left, 2 year molar, half way through the gum.  her lower right gum is a little squishy so i figure that one may be next.

little miss bossy britches has taken to tucking the big kids in at night.  she'll walk in, lean her elbow on the bed & say "prayers?"

she's so rotten.  everyone laughs at her naughtiness except me...i'm left to clean up the mess associated with all this laughter.  i love always being the bad guy.

and she still isn't sleeping through the night.  last night, i think, was a bad dream.  she woke up calling for daddy which turned into mommy.  this went on for a few minutes.  she tried to drink some water-don't think she was fully awake-and spilled it all over herself & me.  that necessitated more screaming.  finally she fell back asleep & stayed that way until this morning.  i actually got to stay in my own bed all night.  thank goodness.

she'll be 2 in 23 days.  2 complete with a dino-nore bowling party.  2 with all the silliness that age brings.  although i'd say that the last couple months may have us at least alerted to the fact that this won't be no ordinary 2 year old.  i guess in her defense there is something to be said for having a big bubba & sissy.  they make it way to darn easy for her to grow up way to darn fast.  and that sentence looks way jacked up but spell check says it's right. 

or...it's over.

no more nursing.

i think this makes me sad.

for awhile now, we had been down to morning, nap & night.  and then i took away night.  and it wasn't too bad.  and then one morning she got up & decided she wanted cocoa instead of milk so that took care of mornings.  i really don't think there was much left, anyway.  i think it was more like a security thing because she would only nurse for about 5 minutes, if that, and then be satisfied to fall asleep.  on saturday, we were in seoul all day for basketball games.  she took naps on the bus to & from.  and then on sunday, we took a trip into osan for lunch & some shopping.  she, again, took a nap to & from in her seat.  and then on monday she was hella sick so we went back to osan for the doctor.  poor little thing was so sick that when they gave her a steroid shot in her butt, she hardly flinched.  and then she slept in her seat on the way home.  yesterday was the hardest, by far.  i tried the lullabye cd-she wanted to "dance" with her baby.  i think she was rocking baby to sleep.  she finally consented to lie down with me & we both fell asleep.  today's nap was much easier, although i lost an hour or so since i fell asleep with her again. 

so our journey is over.  she was officially 1 year, 10 months & 17 days.  beat her big sister by about 9 months.  and now, you ask, what does that have to do with spaghetti & meatballs?

BECAUSE I ACTUALLY GOT TO EAT SOME!

for the past couple weeks, i've been eating wheat-especially at thursday night bible study dinner b/c those ladies can cook.  due to the fact that she was hardly nursing, it didn't seem to be affecting her any.  but i was hesitant to go all out for fear of her poor little face. 

we haven't had pasta in heaven only knows how long.  gluten free stuff is hard to come by over here so we've just not had it.  L has complained a bit but what do you do?  it's much easier to get it at a restaurant because then we can order her something else.  i refuse to cook different meals around here.  so we've all been restricted to what ntm3 can eat.  which isn't all that bad, to be honest.

some friends invited us out for "family night" at the american restaurant on post.  which essentially means a huge bowl of spaghetti & meatballs in the middle of the table & everyone just plops some into their bowl & away we go.  it was so good.  and garlic bread too!

ntm3 had no complaints.  she got a "hoc gog" (hot dog), "pies" (fries) and "apsawce" (guess).  the only complaint she had was that we wouldn't let her have any juice.  except it wasn't juice.  it was sweet tea.  my kids + caffeine = OMGstopbouncingoffthewallsthisisn'tajunglegymgetOFFtheceilingfanpleasestoptalking4700milesaminute&givemeaminuteofpeace.  so, yeah, not so much with the sweet tea.  we just don't do caffeine in this house.  unless you count L.  but he's a grown up so he's allowed.

and i'm waiting for the fabled "once she weans, she'll sleep through the night" as advertised by my mother.  because, yeah, i stay up till all hours.  but that is usually because it's the only time i get without someone hanging on me or over me to watch tv or just whatever without having to censor for young ears or lose my bloggy train of thought because i've had to go take ntm3 off the bookcase that she thinks is a ladder or hear about some preteen drama or listen to the millionth rendition of the same part of "sweet child of mine" as played by A on the guitar. 

being a mama is great but dangit sometimes i need my space.  at least now i can have space with some guilt free chocolate cake.  or cookies.  or spaghetti.  and now i suppose since i'm back in the lands of super-carbs, i'm really going to have to amp up my jillian workout.  i think it would definitely take away from my status as super mom if i turned into a fat ass.

thanks so much to terra, of the 2 little ones, 83 blogs (so i may be exaggerating a touch) & an etsy shop, for giving me my first tag.  the deal is that you have to go to your 4th picture folder & pull out your 4th picture which must then be posted with an explanation of the picture.  no cheating!

i bet you all thought i would have some awesome picture with me hanging by my toes from a clothesline off a ten story building.  and it would have some awesome explanation like "A lost his basketball down the drain pipe (b/c they are big in korea, you know...big enough for a basketball) & due to the fact that we've already purchased 17 basketballs in the past 16 days because of these mad basketball eating ferret things that are very plentiful here in korea, i wasn't about to let that stupid basketball stay down the drain pipe.  hence my circus act." 

but alas.  4th of 4 is just this:



i am hazarding a guess that this is ntm3 practicing her furniture moving skills.  this was taken in our first korean apartment & that is our first korean ottoman.  she liked to run that thing up and down the hall, growling all the while.  i'm betting it drove our neighbors crazy.  but their stupid yappy dog drove us crazy when they left it alone locked in a echo-y bathroom for hours on end so i guess we were even.  she's so much bigger now.  but she still likes to move furniture.  only now it's become a means to attain higher heights.  and stuff she shouldn't have.  babies-not for the faint of heart.

and, let's see...i tag...BELYNDA, NATALIE and LARRY RAY (whom i'm assuming will be a stick-in-the-mud & ignore me & then try to play it off like he didn't see it b/c his attention span ran out after the 3rd word in my description.  i love you, i do.  but PAY ATTENTION!).  let's see what you've got!